It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
