Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Houston, we have a blender
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
