no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
