You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
