I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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