highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
