why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
