don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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