I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
