i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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