Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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