omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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