He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
