So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Alive.
So much puke
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
