Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
