sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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