1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
