He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
