I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
