man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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