It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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