At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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