Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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