Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
