Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize