my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
