Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's shark week go big or go home
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
