walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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