Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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