You work out of a Hotel?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
