like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
