Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
