Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
