the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
