my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
