i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize