Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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