you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
