U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
