I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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