She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
