That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
