I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize