Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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