Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize