there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
