I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Pooping to opera.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
