ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
