my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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