I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
