I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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