I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
