Four minutes until I can fart!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize