My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize