All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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