pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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