I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
