My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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