just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
