I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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