I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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