Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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