why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
