I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
