i don't like sucking hair
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
